As a coach of executives, middle management and careers, I always ask for feedback. The following is a real life example of feedback which has been approved by the coachee (who naturally cannot be identified as coaching is confidential) and hopefully gives you a flavour of what coaching is and the benefits of using a coach.(my mentoring style is very similar too)

What did you want to get out of coaching?

Improved knowledge, widened experience and thought processes to allow me to consider different options.

Did you achieve this?

Yes – I feel more rounded as a leader, manager and individual.

What benefits have you gained from coaching?

Lessons learned are stronger and will therefore be retained longer.

How would you describe the process of coaching to someone who hasn’t experienced it?

Ability to discuss topics/issues with an individual who will listen and help you find the solutions for yourself – Coaching isn’t about telling

How would you describe me as your coach?

Good – met my version of a coach

As your coach, what did I do, specifically that helped you?

Listened and provide examples of past roles, helped me focus thoughts on the issues I was addressing and provided encouragement.

In your opinion, what would have made me a better coach for you?

Nothing to add here – I felt the sessions were well balanced and I came away from each one with some additional ideas and a positive frame of mind.

What 3 words would sum me up as your coach?

Attentive Encouraging Experienced (used real life examples to illustrate a point)

Anything else to add?

For me coaching was like a general discussion where thought processes were discussed out loud. Because it never felt like a formal training environment where things can be a little manufactured – it felt natural – but with a positive outcome both emotionally and in the knowledge I gained.

It struck me that we are all going through a stage of real uncertainty at the moment so I hope it gives you, like me, some inspiration.

The Mayflower by Jon and Vangelis

The Sea like The Sea
The Wind like The Wind
The Stars in the Sky
The Sea like The Sea
The moon like The Moon
The Stars in The Sky
The Sea like The Sea
The Moon like The Moon
The Stars in the Sky
In the wind-on the ship-a lullaby
We sailing pass the moment of time
We sailing ’round the point
The kindly light
The kindly light
We go sailing thru’ the waters of the summers end
Long ago, search for land
Looking to and fro,
We searching in the day
We searching in the night
We looking everywhere for land a helping hand
For there is hope if truth be there
How much more will we share
We pilgrims of the sea
Looking for a home-
In 1620, The Mayflower sailed from Plymouth westward,
Carrying the Pilgrims in search of a new land
In Star date 27X, year, minute 33, location earth, 16 degrees
polar star west
The Mayflower was launched into space
In search of a new land.
Stars in The Sky
Shining so bright
Looking for light
On this Earth
On this Earth

What does this mean for you? Possibly nothing, you may see that Williams has cracked up again! For me it is rather poignant now yet it wasn’t 9 months ago.

This is a story about a cat (coachee) who likes its basket too much and a parrot (the coach) and how the cat achieves its creamery (goal)

As a person am I in my safety zone as far as not doing presentations or training is concerned? I am certainly not sitting in my comfy basket or home and perhaps I should be doing more relaxing by reading such good books as Samantha’s? I only do my reading on holidays normally.

As a person are you sitting comfortably in your safety zone?

As a coach I don’t like to call myself a ‘Life Coach’ as I suppose it aligns me to being “soft and cuddly” and with my coaching and NLP training there is no reason why I could not follow Samantha’s model and support people in looking for happiness or having a better life. If, or rather when I do this, I will still not want to be in the niche of relationship coaching!

In your job are you getting sufficient job satisfaction and using your unique skills?

As a supervisor of coaches I am not sure I could add any real value to Polly who does an excellent job guiding and pacing Serendipity through the coaching process to ensure she finds her Creamery. I found it interesting at the end regarding the feelings and rapport built during the coaching programme and maybe it would be better if all coaches just flew off rather than have a wrap up session and get feedback forms etc.

What did I learn from the book?

Values so many people do not consider or know what their values are. A value is something that is personal to you, that reflects who you are and what is important to you. Honouring the values in your life is an important step to finding happiness. The two scenarios looking back at your life as an old cat and as somebody else talking about Serendipity at her funeral, were really powerful ways of bringing out so many values.

Wheel of life shows the eight main aspects of your life and where you stand at the moment which was really well explained. When Samantha does the reprints for this excellent book I would include a picture of the wheel which will add more emphasis for visual people.

NLP I will use more of my skills learnt from NLP in the future including visualisation and anchoring.

Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall – Confucius – for me this has a real resonance whether it be as a person in sport, work or life itself. So many people just carry on in life not tackling key issues until something hits them in the face. So many positive changes take place when people are forced into uncomfortable situations.

Summary

Serendipity – the happy knack of making unexpected and delightful discoveries, often whilst searching for something else.

So often in life we take for granted times when things are really going well. When things don’t go quite so well, some people desperately look for things which don’t necessarily exist through blurred vision. By talking to a life coach or reading this book your vision will become clearer.

Samantha’s late uncle Honour Judge Anthony Babington I am sure will be looking down on this book and his niece with pride.

How can a book written in 1983 still be relevant in today’s world?

I first read this book in at a time in life when I was in middle management and then again in 2011. Thinking about a number of coaching sessions in the last 5 years, I think it is even more relevant, what do you think?

Effective managers manage themselves and the people they work with so that both of the organisation and the people profit from their presence.

So many newly appointed managers get caught up with their greater responsibilities and often do not spend enough time with their staff mainly down to poor time management

The One Minute Manager (OMM) always makes it clear what our responsibilities are and what we are being held accountable for. 80% of our really important results will come from 20% of our goals.

So many managers don’t agree their goals with their line manager, never mind the really important ones and try at the same time to please too many people. If these goals are agreed, written down and focussed upon it makes a real difference to results

Tell people upfront that you are going to let them know how you they are doing – help people reach their full potential – catch them doing something right

In years gone by so much of my management style was the reverse and although it worked in a company which was after short term results, did it help every body achieve their full potential in the long term?

Praise people immediately

Do we do this sufficiently or do we assume people know they are doing a good job? Tell people what they did right and be specific

Reprimand people immediately

Once the reprimand is over, remind them how much you value them, reaffirm that you think well of them but not of their performance on this occasion. If you are first tough on behaviour and then supportive of the person, it works

Take time out (or a minute!), look at your goals, look at your performance and see if your behaviours match your goals.

So many people try and cover everything which comes into their email box and do not stop and think of how requests fit into their own goals

OMM is a powerful way of getting people to do what you want them to do.

As we all know honesty, is the best policy and congruency between what you say and what you do is so important.

OMM is of course not really spending one minute with people but making sure you spend enough time with people covering the basics including goals, feedback (positive and negative) and building rapport with them to ensure joint objectives are achieved

I know I suffered severe stress about 10 years ago when after being made redundant, I worked as an MD of a company 150 miles from home and the company was distressed. I suffered regular headaches, had difficulty sleeping and also had migraines which has always been my body’s way of telling me I need to change something.

How do you know when you suffer from stress?

Most people who suffer from stress manage the problem sensibly themselves and many succeed. If you catch the problem early, your own ways of dealing with it are likely to work however bear in mind:-

• make sure the solutions you use will be helpful in the long term as well as in the short term
• beware of caffeine (and alcohol!)

Take stock of the situation

Find a moment to stop and think. When stress builds to high levels you need a breathing space. It is time well spent because it helps you put things in perspective and plan the next move. Do you have the right work/life balance?

Start with the end in mind

Stress makes it hard to give priority to the most important things. If you clarify your major priorities you will stop minor things getting in the way

• stress affects your memory and concentration – write things down
• stress makes planning and decision making difficult – plan every day
• stress makes you tired – allow yourself breaks and fun
• stress slows down your speed of recovery and lowers your resistance to illness – take regular exercise and a balanced diet (not an easy one for me!)
• stress makes you feel pressurised – relax in your own head!
• stress tempts you to avoid difficulties or put off dealing with them – tackle the difficult issues first
• stress reduces your efficiency – are you spending your time in the right areas?

Where does stress come from?

Stress does not just come from external factors, often it is internally driven by putting too much pressure on ourselves. These inbuilt pressures can come from our childhood or from the fact that we might be too much of a perfectionist (this has never been one of my problems!)

What can I do about reducing stress?

Rest – getting totally away from work including Blackberrys and the like. Switching off totally from work or whatever is creating the stress in the first place

Recreation – particularly if it involves exercise but even if it doesn’t, have something to look forward to, fully engage in and have fun

Relationships – try and mix with people who take stress out of your life rather than adding it.

And a lot more………….

For an in depth reading on stress and many other mental conditions read Manage the Mind the mental fitness guide by Gillian Butler and Tony Hope

If you want an easier read and you like sport read The Game Plan by Steve Bull

Hopefully our two coaching sessions bouncing along broken roads wil have created an environment where Lawrence can come up with different alternatives such as using his son in America to come up with a cheaper alternative web designer from those in Kenya where web design is in its infancy and therefore are very expensive? If you have any ideas or want to get involved in anyway Lawrnce can be contacted at lmathea@hotmail.com Lawrence is a very principled and honourable man with a big heart. These are some of the questions that I asked of Lawrence which may also be applicable to you and your business.

I suggested that Lawrence looked at one question a day and at the end of the day write down his thoughts in detail

1. What is your dream?
2. What will your dream look like in 5 years time?
3. How will your dream make you feel like in 10 years time?
4. Will you be the business or will you be working on the business?
5. How will your business be different from your competitors?
6. What will be  the main components which will make your business different and how can you bring this out in your marketing strategy?
7. How will you finance your website and can you get this done out of your country where consultants are unsophisticated and expensive?
8. How can you get your existing contacts to help you finance your plans?
9. Do you need a partner to realise your dreams, somebody on the ground you can work with?

So many of these questions are applicable to either starting a business or surviving as a business, whether you are in the UK or Kenya. The main difference is it is a bit easier over here!

When on safari we were in an esteemed position being protected from the animals and the local people who all seemed to want your American dollars or Kenyan shillings. Tips were wanted at every stop whether it was waiters, cleaners or luggage carriers. These were the people in employment yet the tips were very important to them to survive and hopefully prosper.

On our way back to Nairobi from safari, our vehicle had overheating problems and we stopped just outside the National Park for repairs. It was interesting to see the garage men (hardly motor engineers) attempting to resolve the problem whilst we were harassed by hawkers selling their wares.

Our problem turned out to be a hole in the radiator which forced us to make stops in those same hostile villages we had glimpsed on the way in. The appearance of hostility was replaced by communities looking to support each other where everybody appeared happy even though they had few material possessions. Young men with smiling faces and excited voices came to help and all seemed to have a view on what the problem was. They all came to help a fellow Kenyan carrying water for no recompense to cool and re-fill the offending radiator. One even sucked through a straw to see if there was an air blockage swallowing some of the putrid water.

There were no hawkers or beggars in the villages where the people were literally on the breadline yet gave their support for free. How a glimpse of things can give you the wrong view. From my coaching so many people only get a glimpse of how they think and by getting a different perspective change their own ways of thinking and improve their lives which in many cases is not improving their standard of living but knowing what they enjoy doing whether it be at home or at work.

So what did the Cumbria Way do for me? Every day was different in terms of terrain, weather (3 seasons in a day) and experience. The camaraderie of 9 people walking together was brilliant with everybody looking out for each other. I have never really been religious and I have never really understood the word spiritual but being out in the countryside seeing the amazing sights of lakes, mountains, waterfalls, thousands of lambs of all varieties and the extreme sound of silence is something I have not really experienced before.

The challenge of walking nearly 60 miles in 5 days with extreme inclines and conditions underfoot which varied enormously was highly satisfying. Falling into a stream without injury was one of my luckier experiences. I can’t say the Cumbria Way was a life changing experience although it did give a sense of purpose and I am going to continue trying different things and continue enjoying life.

So whatever your age, you only have one life – so live it.

I was going to look for a local ramblers club of older like-minded people, but have decided to set up my own.

What are you going to do?

I credit my success to the great training I have received from some of the best trainers out there, namely:

Ian McDermott – pioneer, best selling author and trainer; one of the world’s foremost exponents of NLP and Coaching and a registered UKCP psychotherapist and International NLP Diplomat in recognition of his contribution to the field.

Robert B Dilts – developer author and trainer in the field of NLP. A long time student and colleague of creator of NLP John Grinder and Richard Bandler, he also studied personally with Milton H Erickson, M.D., and Gregory Bateson.

Jan Elfine, Ph.d MCC – trainer in NLP and coaching. Acknowledged as one of the leaders in this field.

Suzie Smith – author, trainer and co-founder of the Anchor Point Institute which provide practical, skill-based training to individuals, businesses, and government organizations.

Tim Hollborn – NLP techniques pioneer, author, President of the National Association of NLP and founding member of the NLP World Health Community and Institute in the Advanced Studies in Health (IASH).

Edna Murdoch – from a supervision perspective is the essence of Presence

Fiona Adamson – knows everything there is to know about supervision

Miriam Orriss – engages in fun and yet explores the scientific aspects of energy and the complexity of transactional analysis